Greetings.
I’m in quite of a pickle here, and just thinking about it will get me nowhere.

.

I attend a group hobby weekly.
Quite often we go for a follow-up hang-out in the local bar. I recall everyone else buying a drink and coming to sit down to have a chat.
I don’t buy anything. I wait for the first of us ordering and then I follow them to the table.

One of our attendees has commented on my behavior twice so far.
First she said that I’m a bum. That I use the bar’s staff and the place for my own benefit. There’s a chance that she said that in front of someone else.
Last night she commented that I’m still doing this (we two sat alone for a while). She’s afraid that they’ll throw us out because of my behavior.

I explained that I rarely buy stuff from bars.
On the second comment I said that I’ll probably continue this behavior to the end of times and they won’t throw us out because everyone else spends money. And that my friend said that she or her friends do the same thing quite commonly.
I could have felt her loathing upon me.

I don’t have the money to buy pricy consumables.
I have my own water bottle and sometimes snacks from a market to keep my belly full enough. Or then I don’t eat anything and eat later.
I’m there because of the company.

The employees haven’t commented anything about my behavior. I don’t know, would they even care.

.

Thoughts?
Am I unfair or is she?

I’m thinking about asking her next time that should I just leave if I’m such a bother to her.
I’m also thinking about suggesting us to talk about this as a group.

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EDIT: I don’t think this is about alcohol. I believe most of them order something else cos it’s late Monday and most people go to work the next day.
EDIT2: We don’t have the tipping culture here.
EDIT3: Thanks for all the comments! You give my mind and feels some peace 💗

  • Damaskox@kbin.socialOP
    3·
    9 months ago

    …it’s important to be upfront with your wealthier friends if you can’t afford to go to the bar

    In some other/a general scenario this sounds fine 🙂
    In my case - I couldn’t care less about the part of not being able to buy a drink or drinking only water when someone else took something else. So, it’s fine by me to sit with them in a bar.

    It’s her behavior that made a mood drop.
    Besides…she knows that I live on the basic income support so I believe this isn’t the case in my situation 🤔

    They might reconsider going to somewhere else or someone’s flat instead or just invite you

    Sounds nice!
    In my case - I don’t think anyone lives that close to the bar, and the bar has been used as a place to hang afterwards by this group for years (I believe).

    .

    You could try a sort of compromise and order a glass of tap water, assuming that it’s free in your country of course. That way you order something, but make it clear that you won’t spend any money. You are not sneaking in and instead being upfront with the staff.

    💗