This might sound pretentious or trippy. But it’s just a thing I haven’t found a proper answer for.
My paternal parts of the family are all dead, no aunts, uncles or cousins alive any longer. My maternal parts of the family suck, they seriously suck, no joke. I decided not to procreate (and had a “few discretions” regarding this) because I didn’t want to pass the shitty genes, behaviour or guilt onto another generation.
I have an ex, some relations ago. And I really loved his mother, as a mother. I was a train wreck at one time, and she saved me and took care of me. I don’t care that she isn’t my real mother. But this was several years ago.
What really hurts is that my siblings and cousins tell me that what I felt for her was fake, as she is not a blood relative. As I have helped her more than I would ever have helped anyone else. I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?
I want to thank everyone who replied. I love this woman as a mother, and I’ve repeatably had to explain myself to my “other” family as it’s apparently not OK to disobey or not procreate. I am happy that I won’t have to pass this on to a child. I would be fearful and paranoid if I had one, due to the abuse that is normalized. Yet, I am apparently less of a person as I have not produced progeny. Irregardless, thank you to the lovely people who supported me. I wish that this woman, who I wish would have been my birth mother, keeps being happy. The help I provide her with is small, but daily, such as her wifi, phone accounts, spam prevention. I don’t even help my blood family with this. I feel that your comments have helped me. Thank you. I love her, and I wish she had been my mother instead of the woman who bore me.