Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?
Maybe ask him to switch it up? “Come check this out” for something interesting, “Come here” for something he needs help with (broken glass, for example), and “I need you, now” for emergencies.
As far as the “wondering” questions go it seems like part curiosity, part control. My dad used to do it to my mom sometimes (he has super early signs of dementia), but my mom shut it down with: she’s her own person and she’s not going to stop living her life and reporting to him when he gets anxious that she’s not home. It may sound cruel but he’s also not calling/texting randomly when one of her church meetings goes longer than expected. This one is more like setting boundaries for when you want to be autonomous without having to worry about answering him immediately.
Side note: I’m just a musician, not a therapist, so take what I say as you will.