20 years ago I almost moved to Florida. I liked it.

And now? I’m so glad I didn’t do it. I don’t know if I’m less blind, or if it’s gotten worse. But now I don’t even want to visit, much less live there.

Then again, I don’t want to live in Ohio either. Yet here we are.

I’m releasing a new chipset structure. It’s not Intel. It’s not AMD. It’s BUTTS BUTTS BOOTYS.

So now all the best games will run on BUTTS BUTTS BOOTYS, and journalists will have to call it that.

And then you wrap them in a blanket…right? RIGHT???

Step 1, your new name is Bubba.

Best I can do is 3.50.

Napster was audio only. Did you mean limewire, or kazaa, or one of the many napster clones that came after?

I think pancakes COULD kill you. You just need enough of them. Like imagine 2 tons of pancakes fell from the sky, and right onto you.

I will have a taco!

I mean…by that logic their ramblings make sense. Porn to them is child porn. So if all porn is child porn (in their minds) then blocking access to porn isn’t a bad idea.

The whole thing falls apart however if they were to realize that most people DO look at porn, but most people DON’T look at child porn.

I watch porn most days. I’ve never in my life had any desire to restrict others ability to watch porn.

But then again, porn for me is a woman fucking a dude in the ass, or 4 women standing around another woman who’s tied up and they’re tickling her until she screams bloody murder.

You know. Normal shit. Harmless shit. Fill in the blank of your own kinks, but at no point do kids come into play in my mind.

If I equated “porn” to “child porn” then yeah, I’d be trying to pass those laws too. But that says more about the way they think than anything.

Especially when you consider that schools are one of the most common places for public shootings, but you don’t see them racing out to pass common sense gun reform laws.

It’s such a hard problem to tackle, when you’re self defeating in your attempts. No other country has this issue.

drop a copy of bad babysitters 5 in every DVD player in best buy

Soooooo, 0 dvd players? Best Buy stopped carrying physical media years ago.

??? How am I blaming her? Am I misunderstanding you?

Well, that actually doesn’t seem unreasonable.

“Please stop photographing my private property.”

Pictures of property go in newspapers instead

I mean…she has a point…

worst case scenario is they’re still not part of your life.

What? That’s not true at all! They could reconnect with you over a 12 month span.

Then after they have your trust, and you’ve hung out a handfull of times, you get together, and they host a superbowl party. Everybody gets drunk, and has a good time…

…and then at 4am you wake up chained down to a table. Now he’s harvesting your kidneys!

The fuck??? What’s wrong with you?

I don’t know from experience, and I haven’t researched it, but that kinda sounds like Canada.

Maybe Germany.

Not sure what this is a quote from, but I read it as Micheal Scott and Jim.

See? We should have kept Ask Jeeves around!

Natural selection has been removed. Now republicans are trying to reintroduce it.

They’ll (mainly) be the ones affected. I say let it happen.

Then again, I don’t like most people.

I think he’s saying the pope is debt…maybe…I don’t know.

My first instinct is to make a crude joke about your wife.

But that’s actually really sweet!