“The leopards surely won’t eat my face.”

A sudden implosion is the best-case scenario, given how else it could have gone.

Or that he liked Nickelback?

I’ll see past many things, but Nickelback?

Not even once.

Considering I deal with people who blast their music from their phone speakers without headphones, I do not want to know what over-bassed track they’re listening to.

Soon the only available free option will be 32kbps, 16kHz, mono, and it’s just a sound byte shaming you for not paying them.

…my bones hurt, now.

Standard business practice.

• Get it out there, tout it as the new biggest thing. Most people won’t know it’s not busted.
• Improve said item once the company behind it actually figures out what they’re doing.
• Say it’s better, when it’s basically the original thing you promised.
• ???
• Profit.

As you can see, Twitter is now firmly in Act II: ‘Finding Out’