ughughughugh meme about me

oh shit i looked at this “check” and got flashback to my psychiatric abuse yayayyaay ;2 this was very similar, hehehehehehhe, never gonna get adrenaline in that way again

depends on ppl itself, usually i hate all ppl around, but exception for idk cute cool ppl maybe

good good very good happy girl, my dysphoria is die mraowwww, wanna attention mprmprmprmprm, despire lowering ssri 50% i feel better mrapmprwmpmrom moew :3 ^~

https://archive.ph/3UnTo got it

can u give dutch one? they ban my server ip range, or diy it on this archiver

https://archive.ph/nNa8t i got archived link!

also hell!!! they doing medical “research” papers and propaganding them in medical community which rly sux, they violating every fcking doctor ethics like mentioning any fcking live moment of patient as “anamnesis” for diagnostic transness, also lacking neutrality like “i hidden my identity from parents whole my life” then comment in research paper “real transse**** dont say that, its by internet curators!!!” but ppl can be autistic, introverted, a having fcking survival instinct to know what society didnt like and what we should hide especially from parents(i was introverted autistic i never spoken any sensitive information to my parents as kid), also they translating them to english which rly sux

in russia we have same, there a lot of misinformation ran by centerphoenix[.]ru, science4truth(which even vkontakte restricked profile as “content may be considered inappropriate”), majorly of information spreaded by them in a ton of different webpages, using same language, rhetoric, etc

very agressivly propaganding parents which child came out, to fix child, usually langauge used “true transsexual” and “pseduotranssexual”

center phoenix is biggest joke, they propaganding a paying to hospitalize child into them center, with yummy for parents words “your child is not trans is propaganded western woke virus” “a real trans***** is different!!!” also funniest “real trans***** dont act like that!!!”(to me being agressive while is needed for me to survive(it worked!!! if i didnt was aggressive before, i didnt was happy girlie now)), “we will fix your child is teenagee schizophrenia!!!” “teenagee schizophrenia is usually temporary”, they put ppl lifelong on antipsychotics, usually always starting with haloperidole then switching to risperidone/olanzapine/aripiprazol/etc, “one kid have ‘gender dysphoria’ but is was micro tumor in him brain, which removed and now cishet”, they practice insulin shock as well an ECT as well (FROM ONLY PARENTS APPROVAL!!!)

they illegaly consult parents without child itself!!!

pain

trumpestein is pain, putlet is pain, faschism raise is pain,

By euphoria, do you mean you like getting high?

yuh, my dopamine receptors are fucked by antipsychotics

like i okay but meltdowns huh, and still i lack attention n love

look post history, it made worse, even psychotherapy in my 17,098,246 km2 country it will be only worse

today is awful, parents is toxic, sensory overload due fcking mom cleaning whole house, every fcking weekend, i got stress aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, i got bad throughts again… (such as diy euthanasia), i just cant handle toxic environment which area is 17,098,246 km2 (actually more but there more complex)

maybe just somehow cut off parents and just live hikkiko internet life, but i still lonely i want love care attention etc, i wanna cat mommy which would be care me

only tapering sert

everything is good except wanting drugs(maybe still hostile environment?) for euphoria, problems w motor idk its like body armoring,

i never mentioning autism/adhd to doctors, because they will jsut laugh and said that i schizo like they did with my transness, however, i’ve never mentioned transness too, just my mom was put me in this fcking system,

they was patholizing even my talking style, at that moment it was slow, sad, quite, they dont like every trait in me, and yeah transness

i was all life weirdo kid, and they “onset at 12yo, set phone password, started growing hair”

i just avoid psychiatry system, also aaaaaaaaa i cant trauma dump again toooooooo, it was insane

to fix everything in me, like transness, weirdness, they bump me with antipsychotics and i got damage from them(muscle motor problems), also cptsd lol

there the unfun https://piefed.blahaj.zone/c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone/p/833874/my-brain-was-fucked-by-doctors-thanks-you-doooctoor

idk my psycho said i have autistic traits but not enough for ASD, but the problem, is my insane cencorship with him, and quite messed up history before, and a lot of doctors hate self-diagnosts and overall neurodiversity, here they usually put instead schizo for me(+ im trans + adhd)

but awwtistic awwdhd explains my life a lot, and bullying from childhood a lot(+gender nonconformy), i have a lot of traits, weirdness, etc

i feel disable as hell lol

uguguhguhguhguh here for randoms is used widely as plural formal pronouns, referring unknown person unformal is basically insulting, i hate when adults due non-formal pronous to kids because they dominating, love ppl which still using formal pronouns for kids

but my mom often forcibly using they/them or more proper “они/их/-ли”, i tired of this i AM GIRL i need she/her and cute words, overall she a very toxic personality which doesnt cute at all, and hard to handle, especially for awwtistic me

pharmacology diving thru adhd hyperfocus and autism obession, also finding good ways to solve problems with muscle shit(i still idk what name applies here, maybe dystonia or just neuroleptic syndrome), it seems get better when understand more the fcking loop, today i got pretty good feel, yesterday was shit, actually sensory overloads making me worse,

the mechanism which i think its, its just overdeveloped instinct due to trauma, and hyperstress periods (2024 comingout, and wrong hormone in my body), any light trigger brain process as danger, and activating body armoring and survelliance regime, actually the periods have increased sweating, and stress, and … increased sensory sentivity(warning loopback), more irritable, etc, also post forced-taked antipsychotic problem too so cptsd which from chemicals and from external pressure, the meds are useless, i tried muscle relaxants got tolerance very very fast, any other option have addiction potential and still tolerance risk, and risk of getting worse, since in short period of time in 2024 i got forced bumped 15+ different substances overall, which acts on CNS, but before 2024 i dont had any problems and maximum ibuprofen for headache

actually i have theory what could help longterm

parents are sooooooososososo annoying toxic assholes which inst cute at all, aaaaaaaaaaaaa its awful awful awful, making me nervous

other than this shit

enjoying new headphones, sososososo cool soooo perfect for sensory, also fun music

wanna cute catgirls around me aaaaaaaaaaaa

https://github.com/C24Be/AS_Network_List, this repo give me idea make a script which generating a routes

as i understand i can do by one subnet separatly but the problem that there are 1000+ subnets, maybe i dont know some feature to load an ipset file also uguguhguhg isnt parsing 1000+ subnets are load on cpu?