Developer and refugee from Reddit

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Cake day: July 2nd, 2023

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  • Let’s think this through… The US Department of Education’s functions are primarily:

    1. Establishing policies on federal financial aid for education and distributing as well as monitoring those funds.
    2. Collecting data on America’s schools and disseminating research.
    3. Focusing national attention on key educational issues.
    4. Prohibiting discrimination and ensuring equal access to education.

    (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Department_of_Education)

    Regarding #1, blue states don’t receive nearly as much in financial aid for schools as red states. So abolishing the DOE will reduce the tax burden on citizens living in blue states, at the expense of schools in red states.

    Regarding #2, without the DOE compiling this information, it will be up to schools themselves and private research organizations. Badly-performing, severely under-funded schools in red states will, of course, not be able to. Not that they would want to anyway, because without federal assistance, these schools will be in a state of collapse.

    Regarding #3, blue states will just focus attention on key educational issues for themselves, while red states focus on fixing their problems by getting bibles into classrooms.

    Regarding #4, red states will rapidly descend into systematic discrimination again.

    End result: No one will want to hire “graduates” from red states.

    This is a self-own of astonishing proportions. The blue states that don’t heavily depend on the DOE will manage, while the educational infrastructure in the red states completely falls apart. And businesses in need of skilled employees who can, y’know, read will recruit primarily in blue states.

    And the leopards will roam freely through the streets of MAGA-America, feasting on faces in unprecedented numbers.

















  • Not yet. Not for a little while. First, a few things have to happen:

    • When the Department of Education is obliterated and schools nationwide collapse, it will also cause economic turmoil, because a lot of MAGA idiots work for federally-funded school systems in red states. They just voted to have themselves fired.
    • The inevitable nationwide ban on abortion will kill a lot of women who believed it wouldn’t happen and voted for him - despite how much he bragged about killing Roe.
    • Measles, mumps, and rubella will all make startling comebacks as vaccination plummets. Seriously guys, get vaccinated while you can. Oh, and COVID-19 is going to have a massive resurgence once RNA-based vaccines are banned in the United States.
    • With the purging of civil servants from the FBI, the IRS, and various other letter agencies, we’re going to have a giant, stupid government staffed primarily by incompetent sycophants. Expect actual, productive work associated with any of them to grind to a halt. Expect the FBI to expend resources needlessly investigating whoever Trump hates at the moment. Expect the IRS to make mistakes that aren’t in your favor, and you can’t do anything about.
    • Infrastructure week will forever be in the future, while actual infrastructure will be falling apart due to lack of funding. This problem will be felt the most in red areas, despite efforts to punish blue ones for voting for Harris.
    • If you receive health care through the Affordable Care Act and you’re MAGA, you’ll be very surprised to learn that “Obamacare” was another name for it, and that you’ve just lost your health care. [insert “congratulations, you played yourself” meme here]
    • You think things are expensive now? The inevitable flood of tariffs, with no adults in the room to tell Trump it’s a stupid idea, will jack your prices up enormously. If you thought COVID-19 inflation was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet.
    • The deeply, deeply stupid MAGA people who believed that Trump would leave their LGBTQ+ friends - well, former friends - alone will find out the hard way that voting to remove people’s rights is a good way to make them disown you.

    After things are going really, really badly, and there are only Republicans in government to blame, a few will begin waking up and realizing they’ve been had.

    And by then, it will be too late.