The new year could be off to a rough start for Donald Trump.
The former president is facing $250 million in penalties and a ban on doing business in New York when the judge overseeing his civil fraud trial delivers a verdict in the case later in January.
The Manhattan Supreme Court trial — which has been on hiatus since Dec. 13 — is set to resume with closing arguments on Jan. 11, and Justice Arthur Engoron has said he hopes to have a decision in the non-jury case by the end of the month.
“Your Honor, I was on the solid gold toilet this morning and I felt a new valuation coming. Or possibly a sudden bowel movement. Anyway, based on market factors that I can’t possibly explain to you and my own mood and feelings, I’m valuing Mar-A-Lago at one gorillion dollars. This is actually a lowball price, so I’m certain there’s no need to get an appraisal. You can trust me, I know a thing or two about real estate. Bigly.”