Anytime I hear a guy proudly say "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" I can’t help but think that statement gives off rapey vibes. For obvious reasons, I’m not at all surprised that this is essentially Trump’s mantra.
I wouldn’t say proudly, but I do say “easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” semi regularly. But it’s never in the context of like, regular interpersonal relationships. It’s work stuff, usually. I could write a report and beg my superiors for their input and budget for some initiative, or I can just go do the goddamn thing and get it done in a quarter of the time it would take to get the first leadership meeting on the calendar.
Strong Towns is another useful example. They make cool, good, human-centered urban developments. When the mayor or whoever shows up to check it out, they go “wow this is fantastic!” and the organizers THEN say yeah, these are the 70+ local zoning ordinances we broke to make this happen. Then a bunch of nonsense pro-suburbia rules get lifted to enable more cool stuff.
If it were only always used to bypass bureaucracy and do beneficial things.
Downside of that rule is that people or businesses can do a lot of damage if the “forgiveness” has a lower cost than the profits to be had by skipping the permission part.
Yeah there’s a lot of moral/ethical calculus that should be done when attempting to circumvent rules. Unfortunately, people who are looking to circumvent rules are not usually the people who would reliably do that calculus.
Kind of the same thing for political revolution. If you’re willing to go beyond the state apparatus to achieve your ends, are you also going to be dedicated to rule-following after the revolution is done? It’s a tough thing.
I met a white guy who said this in relation to cutting his biracial son’s hair, despite knowing the boy’s mom was especially proud of his hair and explicitly said she did not want his hair cut.
Bear in mind, this guy left his wife to take care of their son for 2 years while he "went his own way" and justified it by saying he provided them with ample financial support (he did).
Anyway, long story short he waited until his wife went to see her mother and he shaved the kid’s hair. He told me as he was doing it and I successfully predicted the divorce that proceeded the haircut. Never talked to that guy again because it drove me nuts how he was married to a Black woman and was so absolutely clueless about things of cultural importance.
Anytime I hear a guy proudly say "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" I can’t help but think that statement gives off rapey vibes. For obvious reasons, I’m not at all surprised that this is essentially Trump’s mantra.
I wouldn’t say proudly, but I do say “easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” semi regularly. But it’s never in the context of like, regular interpersonal relationships. It’s work stuff, usually. I could write a report and beg my superiors for their input and budget for some initiative, or I can just go do the goddamn thing and get it done in a quarter of the time it would take to get the first leadership meeting on the calendar.
Strong Towns is another useful example. They make cool, good, human-centered urban developments. When the mayor or whoever shows up to check it out, they go “wow this is fantastic!” and the organizers THEN say yeah, these are the 70+ local zoning ordinances we broke to make this happen. Then a bunch of nonsense pro-suburbia rules get lifted to enable more cool stuff.
If it were only always used to bypass bureaucracy and do beneficial things.
Downside of that rule is that people or businesses can do a lot of damage if the “forgiveness” has a lower cost than the profits to be had by skipping the permission part.
Yeah there’s a lot of moral/ethical calculus that should be done when attempting to circumvent rules. Unfortunately, people who are looking to circumvent rules are not usually the people who would reliably do that calculus.
Kind of the same thing for political revolution. If you’re willing to go beyond the state apparatus to achieve your ends, are you also going to be dedicated to rule-following after the revolution is done? It’s a tough thing.
I’ve never seen anyone use that phrase in relation to sex or interpersonal relationships.
I met a white guy who said this in relation to cutting his biracial son’s hair, despite knowing the boy’s mom was especially proud of his hair and explicitly said she did not want his hair cut.
Bear in mind, this guy left his wife to take care of their son for 2 years while he "went his own way" and justified it by saying he provided them with ample financial support (he did).
Anyway, long story short he waited until his wife went to see her mother and he shaved the kid’s hair. He told me as he was doing it and I successfully predicted the divorce that proceeded the haircut. Never talked to that guy again because it drove me nuts how he was married to a Black woman and was so absolutely clueless about things of cultural importance.
Did the kid want his hair cut? That seems like the most important consideration and is totally absent.